His Shadow
by The Ninja Who Wanted To Be A Samurai
Summary: Riku sits on Destiny Island's beach, contemplating both his feelings and his past. Riku/Sora. One-shot.


**_Author's Note: This is Riku, thinking on a beach. He is thinking about his betrayal in the first game, his role in Sora's life, and his imminent reunion with Sora. An alternative meeting with Sora, essentially. Shonen-ai, people. Love it or leave it!_**

**_Disclaimer: I do not own KH or any of the characters/plot._**

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~_His Shadow_~

I've always been his shadow. I'll always be his darkness.

I don't know how I can be_ this_ lost; I'm falling so fast.

He's bled for me, searched for me for three hell stricken years.

I hate those friends of his so much. They all stole him from me.

I hate how they were by his side while I was crawling through the darkness for him. He isn't the only one who has made sacrifices.

The sorceress tricked me into betraying him. Has he ever forgiven me? I know I don't deserve it, not from someone as good as him.

How can he dwell in the light like that? How can he be there for so long, exposed and vulnerable? Does he realize that his shadow grows as he nears the light? Of course not. Even if he did, he is too pure of heart to quit.

For me, or for _her_?

Everyone thinks I love her. I've never really loved her in that way. In fact, I _hate_ her when she takes him from me. The anger I feel towards her and the others, it frightens me.

I want to push everyone away, including him. I want to dwell alone, I don't want this curse of mine to affect him.

So here I am, sitting in the twilight on this beach. _Our beach_.

The beach where we raced. The beach where we formed our friendship. The beach where I beckoned to him, called him into the darkness. He was so close to following me into that darkness…

Now I'm so thankful that I pulled my hand back from him. Was it out of jealousy, or care? Hatred or love? Whichever, it doesn't matter anymore.

Anymore. Has it really been a year since I betrayed them? Since I took Kairi to lure him towards me? It doesn't seem like it.

I have changed though; we all have. Do I ever have a chance with him? Will he ever love me with the burning passion I feel towards him? I suppose not. Why would he love me, after I've strayed so far into the darkness?

Sora…_Sora_…

_**If I don't need you **_

_**Then why am I crying on my bed?**_

_**If I don't need you **_

_**Then why does your name resound in my head?**_

_**If you're not for me **_

_**Then why does this distance maim my life?**_

_**If you're not for me **_

_**Then why do I dream of you as my wife?**_

I want to stand up and scream. I want to rip off this blindfold and stop pretending. I want to run to him and tell him everything, to pour my heart to him. To hold him, kiss him, feel his warmth, his light…

But he wouldn't accept me in this form, now that I've become one of them. But does he realize it's all for him? I guess I don't really want him to know what I've become.

So now what? Do I sit on this beach forever, trying to escape the reunion I know must come? Do I reminisce and let my emotions boil and mix?

_**I don't know why you're so far away **_

_**But I know that this much is true**_

_**We'll make it through **_

_**And I hope you are the one I share my life with**_

_**And I wish that you could be the one I die with**_

_**And I pray in you're the one I build my home with**_

_**I hope I love you all my life**_

Despite everything, I wish he was here, sitting with me, his head resting on my chest, my head buried into his unruly mane. What I would sacrifice to look into those deep cerulean eyes and kiss those soft, pink lips as softly as a breath. I want to show him how tender and caring I can be, that there is light within me. Somewhere…

Wishful thinking, and only that. There is no hope for me. Sora will forget about me and run off with Kairi and his other friends. I might as well lie down here on this beach that is so heavily stricken with painful memories of him...and fade away.

"Fade away…" These two words uttered from my lips as I lay back in the sand and waited for the waves to take me.

But I heard footsteps approaching me very slowly, as to not alert me. But suddenly I knew that my mind was creating them. I wanted someone to be here so badly that I was imaging the footsteps coming nearer and nearer. This dream person lifted me up and helped me stand, my body mostly limp in their strong arms. They turned me to face them, all still with my eyes closed. I didn't want this imaginary person to leave.

I felt a hand gently stroke my cheek, their warm touch feels so good... I felt fingers lace into mine, the imaginary hand still touching my cheek. I didn't want to open my eyes and remove this angel's touch. I must delay the inevitable!

Then after that I felt soft lips gently graze my own in an innocent kiss full of love and shyness, care and passion.

Could it be…? I slowly opened my eyes and gazed ahead. I found myself not looking at the tidal waves as expected, but at him. His deep cerulean eyes gazed into mine, as if reading my heart. Then I saw tears pool up in his eyes.

_**I don't want to run away but I can't take it**_

_**I don't understand**_

_**If I'm not made for you**_

_**Then why does my heart tell me that I am**_

_**Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?**_

He was whimpering and fell slowly to the ground with small clear tears rolling down his cheeks. I couldn't believe it; he had come for me. After my betrayal, my disappearance, my fear of rejection causing me to avoid him…

I remained standing, with him clutching my cloaked leg and sobbing into it.

I looked down at him and slowly lowered myself to his level. I softly put my index finger under his wet chin and tilted his head up towards me. I stared into his eyes before engaging in another soft kiss. Our lips parted and he began crying again. I pulled him into my arms, my cloak partly covering his shivering body from the wind.

_**I don't want to run away **_

_**But I can't take it, I don't understand**_

_**If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?**_

_**Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?**_

He put his arms around my waist and dug his head into my chest. All I could see was chocolate spikes gently swaying back and forth. I pulled him closer. I put one of my gloved hands in his hair stroking him.

I placed the other one on his back. Then I leaned my head lightly on his. We sat there for what seemed like eons, our emotions pouring out. We didn't speak, move, or break the moment in any way. I was crying now. My tears rolled down my cheeks into his hair.

Finally, he looked up at me with tear-stained eyes and said, "Riku, why did you leave me?"

Those few words brought me the most pain I've ever felt, I could feel my heart wrenching madly. Suddenly I found myself needing to say it all.

"I was so jealous of you, I wanted you all to myself, so I gave into the darkness in my heart. I'm so sorry Sora."

"I looked all over for you, for years now. All I got was glimpses and bits of information about you. I thought you died."

I was crying again. I set Sora aside and stood. I walked a few feet before continuing.

"I hated myself. I hated everyone, including you. But, I still loved you so much, Sora. So I embraced the darkness to get to you. I fell so far… I don't know how you could ever love me after what my heart had become."

_**Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong**_

_**That it takes my breath away**_

_**And I breathe you into my heart**_

_**And pray for the strength to stand today**_

_**Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right**_

_**And though I can't be with you tonight**_

_**And know my heart is by your side**_

I started to walk away, figuring that my confession would sever whatever bond I still shared with my dearest friend, but I felt a hand grab my arm suddenly. I spun around, tears still fresh in both of my eyes.

I looked deep into his eyes, and he into mine before he tenderly put our lips together and ran a hand through my hair, drawing me closer still. We parted and Sora put himself in my arms before whispering to me.

"You'll always have me as a light, no matter how great your shadow becomes."

_**If you're not the one **_

_**Then why does my soul feel glad today?**_

_**If you're not the one**_

_** Then why does my hand fit yours this way?**_

_**If you are not mine **_

_**Then why does your heart return my call**_

_**If you are not mine **_

_**Would I have the strength to stand at all?**_

We stayed on that beach all night, dwelling in each other's arms. I had so much to say, so much I wanted to tell him, but all of it could wait. Sora was here. That was all that mattered to me. I didn't even realize how much I needed him until I felt him near me again. It was like I was filled in with his light, as if it swallowed me whole.

His shadow, _my_ shadow, was obliterated.

_**I never know what the future brings **_

_**But I know you are here with me now**_

_**We'll make it through **_

_**And I hope you are the one I share my life with**_

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**_Author's Note: The song is "If You're Not the One" by David Bedingfield. The lyrics are whole, just parts are scrambled in the fic. Please Read and Review!_**


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